You'll find yourself alone...

Should I let you fall? Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing, We're only deceiving ourselves .
And I'm sick of the lie, And you're too late.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

For two separate being- one i've love and another, i love, still, always.

I believed, that we should never hope for something too much. Too much that we forget about all the possibilities that it wont...happen. Everything goes visiersa, right? maybe, maybe not everything tho. hahahaha! Ookay i should cut the crap.

Work was alright today. Aena and Chacha surprised me in front of my shop and i had my hour break with them at Macs. :)) But my flu and cough aint going anywhere soon i guess? And Zac was being a sweetheart today to take my temperature. Thank you! Lucky im alright, then. It does keep me wondering tho what will i do without my Ben Sherman boys?! Hahaha. And mom fetched me from work today at night, i love you! hehehe. That's all that happened today.

Im hoping for a better weekend with my girl, my boys. And currently the two most important boys in my life, my bestfriend & my current date.
Yes, funny how i never seem to can pull myself out of this love game. Fuck of well...

punches!

Unwell.

Omg my throat is getting real worst, my cough is hurting my throat each time a cough and of cos, the flu is getting pretty much verrrrry irritating. It was almost 1am yesterday when mom pester me to go to the docs cos my heart was beating fast as catching a train and i was having trouble breathing properly. But i was already dozing of so i couldnt much be bothered to get up. Oh sharks man, what is happening to me? I hope this thing happening, is just me being sick, just sick, you know the normal sick. And NOT this H1N1 thingy! :((( Ive yet to visit the docs today but see first luhh. Lucky today im off and im not sure if i can make it to work tomorrow. And ive to study for my re-taking, so everything bad that is affecting my health, please please go away! :))

Oh and mom locked me in the house today. Im not allowed to go anywhere today at all. And im cashless! So there's no point too. And my ppd has zero value so practically, today sucks. hahaha! But, ill find something to do, i hope. Like i always do. okay den bye bye.. :)

Friends, not foes.

I am falling sicker by the second, sucks. Now, im down with flu, fever, cough and sore throat. :(
And i havent visited the doctor, yet. Yes,its been ermmm 3 days since i've fallen ill. hahahaha! And now im getting blurry visions. Maybe due to my heatyness. Ahiyyyo! Had to bail out from work early today just now cos could'nt stand long enough to work. ehheh!

Met Aena after work tho to catch up on alot of things. Which after walked up to T.W to meet Z. Bumped into the boys awhile while waiting. But thanks to them all, i feel much much better, happy & occupied from thinking bout some disturbing thoughts. Their lame jokes and funny actics got me crankin' up for sure the whole time of my presence there. Love love you guys!! xo. Havent met my significant other for almost 3 weeks now and i miss you! Hope to see you as promised, soooo looking forward to it. :) People change, future changes. No one can ever have a promising one! right? Right.

But for the better, ive been spending more time with my girl and im lovin' it! Old times babbbby... Introduced her to my boys and we're enjoying youth to the fullest. And more that have yet to come! Oh and Tuesday, ive yet to decide to bring whoever to my double date with Aena and Danny. "Jgn jadi cam aku, kan susah cb! hahahaha." What to do, people change, busyyyyyy mah. hahahah!

k la, bye chiiikodok!

You're gonna go far kid.

Okay i sorta think im catching a flu sooon. And i havent been sleeping well, i guess? I go with meaningless dreams and yet i sleep so soundlessly, but i wake up with my eye bags getting worst each growing day! So somebody please explain to me why this is happening?! aiyoo.

(Look at my eye bags!!! -.-''')
well at times i come to think, that its naturally there..loll!

Too much is revolving in my complicated life and im too sure if i can cope anymore. Cause i feel like giving up on all the things i believed in? But at the same time, im quite satisfied with the life im living now. hahahah! aiyooo i must be one hell of a confuse kiddo at this point. lol!!
Oh havent i just mentioned i just received my entry proof by mail for re-taking my maths and science Os. And my examination hall is in guess where?!! CLEMENTI TOWN SS!!! hahahahaha, i know no one there! But lucky its right behind my house there. phew! But still, omg. Dont want to think bout it. Hahahaha! Okay chaaox people!

xxoo.

I lost my Serenade.

Im finally decided to tell. & maybe doing this is best. maybe? But im happy now, at least. Slowly...my heart is actually healing from the many encounters that are not at all fun. Im trying not to turn to my abnormality attitude, and yes feeling lonely is not at all new to me. This could be for the better of my health and soul. I hope so...

However, the ex-lover will always and shall always be my bestest friend and a dear to me. Time will tell and cross my fingers, things will turn for the better. :))

Life's like a roller-coaster ride.

hell-o blogger! ha, ha. Okay idk why but i feel the urge to wake up early today. Maybe because i planned to wash my hair this morning and you know, i dont like to go out of the house with wet hair or looked like they've just been washed! hahahaha leceh ah... I'm working soon at 10.30am sooon. And i cant wait for after work today. Z is fetching me! I wonder how things move so fast, come and go. No doubt is scary as hell, nerve-wracking!!! Life...nothing is ever promising to stay the same. The outcome is all up to us yes? :) If they can lie straight in our face, why cant us right? 'Doing back' is never part of my dictionary but i came to realise, to a certain extend, it does work for a wake up call. But what happens during the proses is never mine to control. He hehe hee...

So...its Monday today. The previous week started of bad but it ended pretty much sweet. :))
My life is so happening...no not in 'that' way. hahaha! Tho, i ended the week with lots of bruse marks and patches and more over, my body is aching as bad. Haizxzxzxz! The Sentosa lust party izzit called? yeah that event thingy @ Siloso beach.., was good. Had lotsa fun and bumped into some veryyyyyyyy old friends and made a handful of new friends. Nice people but crazy. hehehehe... And yesterday i met my childhood friend since primary 1, Nicole! Chilled at AMK drinking icelemontea, fags, and played cards. hahaha! Miss those times man...haiiiihaha.

Okay man, im off to do some house keeping. Morning again! Have a nice day ya?! xx

blood.

Bum bum bum bum bum

I'm home and shagged. Today was great and i can still feel the exhaustion from yesterday night. Hhaha! We had fucking fun right Aisyah? We deserved it! Lol. Shall again? Soon!!

nitez.

Girls just wanna have fu-uun-n-n-n!

Its Wednesday. Working late today, 6.30-9pm. Which after im meeting my girl to partyyyyyy! hahahaha, celebrate singles. Lol!! Lucky thing she's crashing my crib tonight so yeah makes things easier..haha! But i got work the next day, morn! But only till 1pm. And finally, would be meeting Helmy in idk?, almost a week?! Hope he does'nt cancels again with some stupid reasons.

And yeah the start of this week has been too much for me to handle so i'd figure out tonight might be good for me and my health and mental, hahaha! I finally decided to talked things out with mom yesterday and i found out that for the past 7 years, i have not moved on.Maybe i will never? Maybe i miss and still hoping for the past to come back. But i know it will never... and i'll cope. :)) I feel much better now that mom knows the truth and i meant all good intention and i should try not to keep up on my bad habit of sneaking. Ok things are working out slowly...

Okay im off to do house keeping. Chaox!

Friends and foes...

Somehow, im really not feeling good today. My mind is all over the place and my heart is unsettled. How bad can this get right? right?! Yesterday night was a bummer. Too much to handle but i managed, still feeling like shit tho! Ive decided that some friends are just not meant to stay friends and some enemies and born to be friends of the enemies. Its complicated enough yes? haha! And i feel much better to have one less mistake/regret of my shoulder. Chins up Diia! :)

And the midnight got worse for me tho. Imagine...

What if the one person you lived for, turn their back on you?
What if they swore to you they were telling the truth and you still knew it was a lie?
What if they forgot all about you for that very one night, when you need them most?
What if they didnt seem to care even tho you were crying otf begging for them to keep you company?
What if they left you all alone...

Would you stay or would you leave...?

passing shadows.

Sup! Saturday night is lazy and shagged. Work was passing real slow tonight and i, was most of the time mentally else where! HAHAHA. And i was so careless today i forgot to bring my uniform to work! Lucky have extra. heheheh! Time before work was so much more fun-ner! Watched Kongfu Panda this time at my girl's home and had Soto Ayam. yummmmy!!

Oh well im working morning tomorrow which after im meeting my girl again. We're spending time at hr uncle's condo tomorro night. Everyone's gonna be there, said her. lol!! I guess i'll be growing fatter. Food food and more food there! heheheheh yay. Helmy's too busy nowdays with his firefighter friends, i guess. And Khai is off to Jb. And Aena is shifted to Raffles. Ahhhhh people are moving away so slowly. I hate this feeling...this knowing. :( But my girl is always here with me and im thankful. I love you Aisyah! hahahaha. Okay tututs, nights!

x
o
x
o.

Good girls gone bad.

Hello Saturday! Its midnight now. Gosh wonder how fast time flew by. This week has really been great. Been keeping myself happy and contented yes? :) The people i need, has been with me all along. Fall backs are normal, but i get up yeah. However, ive been leading quite a unhealthy cum fun life this few days. Cut down on my fags but been drinking quite a lil. Been heading to Indochine often recently thats why! hehehe... But im happy and having so thats what matters right? But im goos at taking care of myself so not too much worries about myself. haha! And im proud of myself to have spent good time with both Helmy and Aisyah. love love love you both!!! Oh and i finally met my rachel recently @ NYP otw to pick my girl up from school. :))) miss her! I miss schooling tho! grrrr...

So anyway, im going over Aisyah's house tomorrow before work for... Yes again, movie marathon!! hahahaha... Helmy's working so i cant meet him. Sad. And now im waiting for someone to call(K!), expecting. hehehe... Dont know if he's calling. But ill still hope...lol! Okay im off, night juggies!

"Boys and girls, they pretend too much."

Almost midnight. And im still online plus the tv's still on. Fuck, i promised myself to crash in early today but aha, guess i failed to. LOL! Anyway work's @ 6pm tomorrow so no worries. Arhhhhh... my right eyeball is hurting each time i blinked! Yeah.. the fucking fag ash went into my eye just now evening after work. I hope i dont wake up with a swollen or sore eye tomorrow. Its been tearing for hours now. :((

Sooo, life's been better. I guess? Hahaha! Not minding too much anyways. Its a waste of errrr of everything me/or mine. lol! Boys and girls, they pretend too much. But never want to be guilty. Always pushing the blame on me... -.-''' Fucking cuntdick faces!

Well... i feel much better this past 2 days. Maybe someone's helping. Heeeee~ :)

XOXO!

Eaten?

Its Sunday dawn. I just finished eating my Mac delivery. Famished! hehehe... :)
First i'm working morning shift tomorrow and i know i should be sleeping but no. Hhaha! Been crashing in very late, this few days. And i swear my eye bags are accumulating! lol. But who cares right?!
Arhhhh i need a new camera, i swear my fb pics are so boring! Cb ahhh kena stolen. :( Long ago story. hahahahaha! Anyway, im keeping myself occupied chatting with Khai on MSN. lucky got him to layan me! xoxo you! hehehehe. Oh yayyyy $$$ come in ready anyway. BUT!, must save. Im getting my bike licence this mth yes? YEAH. My words are not making sense to me now. Blanked.

xxo,diia.

i aint your motha fucking princess! :)

Its 1am now and i just got home but 45min ago. Work was tiring today, ohhh maybe its just me? haha.

This days, my mind has been doing alot of unnecessary thinking. Thanks to the dicks out there! My eyes are like swelling up. Lack of rest and the tears that they've caused! But not blaming anyone. ha ha? I just feel that now, there is of no use being so dedicated or nice to someone. Because well of cos, most times, you dont get being treated nicely in return. so why bother right? FUCK. Its like getting blamed for being nice? What nonsense?! And you feel being used. When all we do is be there when someone need us, but we'd be alone at times when we're the one at need of someone. And all you get in return is loneliness. Well...shit happens.
Fuck all those motha fucking heartless! (do you feel the pinch, then it might be you im referring to. HA HA ha, ha!)

peace, OUT!

And it's time you just face it, don't pretend

How can I decide what's right

When you're clouding up my mind?

I can't win your losing fight

All the time.

Not gonna ever own what's mine

When you're always taking sides

But you won't take away my pride.

No, not this time...

Not this time...

How did we get here?

When I used to know you so well.

But how did we get here?

Well, I think I know.

The truth is hiding in your eyes

And it's hanging on your tongue.

Just boiling in my blood.

But you think that I can't see

What kind of man that you are,

If you're a man at all.

Well, I will figure this one out

On my own.

(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")

On my own.

(My thoughts you can't decode)

How did we get here?

When I used to know you so well, yeah.

But how did we get here?

Well, I think I know.

Do you see what we've done?

We've gone and made such foolsOf ourselves.

Do you see what we've done?

We've gone and made such foolsOf ourselves.

Yeah. Yeah.

How did we get here?

When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah.

How did we get here?

When I used to know you so well.

I think I know.

I think I know.

There is something I see in you.

It might kill me.

I want it to be true.

Paramore- Decode

fullstop

home-e.

Its... 2:34pm now on my clock. Off on a Monday as usually but today's Monday really is passing...mmmmm. Not slow not fast, but its just me. I'm feeling so fucking tired today man! And good news, im gonna spend the weekend @ grandma's. hehehehe... Since uncle's gone off to Malaysia AGAIN, for some bike racong thingy. Talked to granny bout taking my bike license this month. But again, i get the same reaction as mom. But better...haha! Why are mom and some others sooooo against this thing named 'motorcycles'?? Oh well. Its lazy today and ive been pampering my taste buds with Haagen-Daz, summer berries& cream with a continuous serires of Burn Notice on FOXCRIME & with a lil bit of MTV. lolol! Boyfriend is busy at station and i guess if he cant pay enough attention to me this afternoon or worst, till the night...i'll most probably keep myself preoccupied with such hmmm entertainment. I miss you lovely! Oh wait.. speak of the angel.. a text message from, 'a lover'. Yeah that's him!

Happy Monday!